Say ‘I Do’ in Their Love Language: A Guide to the 5 Love Languages

Love is more than just words, it’s how we express, receive and truly feel it. As you embark on the exciting journey toward marriage, understanding each other’s love language can be the key to building a stronger, more connected relationship.

After polling our 13.3K Instagram followers, we discovered that while 86% of people knew their own love language, 17% didn’t know their partner’s love language.

The concept of the five love languages, reveals that every person has a unique way they best experience love, whether through Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time or Physical Touch.

In this guide, we’ll explore each love language, helping you discover which resonates most with you and your partner. We'll also share ways to weave them into your engagement, wedding planning and marriage. Because love isn’t just about saying “I do” – it’s about showing up for each other every day in the way that matters most.

At Queensmith, we believe in supporting our customers on their journey from dating to the altar and this is at the heart of everything we do, so we sought expert advice from relationship and dating guru Sophie Personne, who explains why it’s important to know not just your partners but also your own love language.

So, what does 'love language' mean?

‘Love Languages’ is a concept that was originally developed by Dr. Gary Chapman and describes the different ways people express and receive love, states Sophie.

Sophie breaks down each of the five love languages, explaining that we normally have a primary and a secondary language:

1. Words of Affirmation – Love is expressed verbally in the form of appreciative comments, compliments, encouragement and kind words or simply by saying the words ‘I love you’.

2. Acts of Service – Love is shown by actions, such as helping out, going out of your way, fixing something or offering support.

3. Receiving Gifts – You feel loved through thoughtful presents, which normally involve some effort and/or meaning.

4. Quality Time – This is about giving your time and undivided attention, either by having meaningful conversations or sharing experiences.

5. Physical Touch – Hugs, holding hands, kissing or any kind of physical closeness is your way of showing affection.

Dr. Chapman's original theory was developed in the 1980s, so with the introduction of technology and other modern changes, couples have definitely found other types of love languages. For example, recent research from Truity suggested that there are actually now seven love languages instead of five: Activity, Appreciation, Emotional, Financial, Intellectual, Physical and Practical.

So, we recommend you take the five love languages as a general framework to express love rather than something that definitive.

If you aren’t sure what your love language is, follow these steps to find out:

1. Think of how you often express affection to others

2. Consider how you would like others to express affection to you

3. Ask yourself what makes you feel most loved

4. Think about what you often complain about (which usually reveals your inner desire)

5. Consider what you often request others do for you

We suggest the four ways below to find out your partner's love language:

1. Have an open conversation and ask them how they feel most loved

2. Observe their behaviour and actions

3. Test different love languages to see which makes them feel most appreciated

4. Take some online quizzes together

The big question is: Why should we use love languages in our relationships? Sophie answers the all important question of whether couples that use love languages stay together longer than those who don’t.

“Knowing your own as well as your partner’s does help to strengthen the relationship because it allows you both to recognise how love is given and received. We all want to feel understood, seen and appreciated, and love languages can certainly contribute.

Using your partner’s love language(s) can also help to increase the emotional connection and reduce misunderstandings because conflicts are more likely to arise when we don’t feel loved or valued.”

While we can't claim that love languages help couples stay together longer, it can significantly improve your relationship in multiple ways, leading to a much stronger bond.

Every couple faces disagreements, but how you navigate them can make all the difference.

Understanding your partner’s love language can be a powerful tool for diffusing tension and fostering connection, even in moments of conflict. When emotions run high, speaking your partner’s love language – whether through words of affirmation, quality time, or acts of service – can help rebuild trust and show them they are valued.

Sophie goes on to state, “should there be a conflict, you are more likely to see your partner’s efforts if you understand their love language. You will recognise acts of love that you wouldn’t otherwise.

It’s worth noting that people often receive apologies better when they are aligned with their love language. For example, if your partner values Words of Affirmation, it’s probably better to offer a verbal heartfelt apology, but if they value Acts of Service, they will acknowledge action more than words.”

Yes, you can have all 5 love languages. Each love language has its spectrum, but you'll often have one love language that you value more.

It's also important to understand that how you receive and give love are different. You may have one love language for how you like to receive love and a different love language for how you like to give love. Acts of service might be the love language that you give, but physical touch might be the love language you wish to receive from your partner.

Just like people grow and evolve, so do their emotional needs. Understanding that love languages aren’t set in stone allows couples to adapt and continue meeting each other’s needs in a meaningful way.

The love language that once made your partner feel most appreciated may shift over time due to stress, personal development, relationship dynamics or any major life event, etc… This is because a relationship naturally evolves over time.

Our original love languages may have been based on childhood or developed through our experiences – they might come from something that we felt was missing from our lives or something that used to bring us comfort.

Sophie explains, “It’s important to know that you might be the one who needs to recognise if there’s been a shift in the way your significant other shows their love, as they may not see it themselves.

Being in a long-term relationship isn’t always easy and we start to take our partners for granted without realising it (‘Law of Familiarity’). Observing how your partner’s love languages evolve means you can actively work to meet each other’s needs.”

Our poll found that 26% of people don’t actively incorporate love languages into their relationship. But don’t worry, we’re here to help! Whether your partner craves quality time, loves receiving thoughtful gifts, or simply wants to hear how much they mean to you, we’ve got the perfect date ideas to match every love language.

No need for a translator, just a little understanding and creativity to make your next date unforgettable!

Plan a day of helping each other with something you know will make their life easier, whether it’s tackling a home DIY project you’ve been putting off or running errands together, like finally tackling those returns at the post office. The key is offering your time and effort to make their day smoother.

Plan a surprise scavenger hunt leading to thoughtful gifts, each one tied to a shared memory or inside joke. You can make it extra special with a meaningful, personalised gift at the end of the hunt.

Spend a day exploring a new city/town or going for a walk somewhere you’ve never been to before, without any distractions. Simply enjoy each other’s company while discovering something new together, with no need for phones or interruptions.

Set up a relaxing at-home spa experience for your partner, complete with a massage. Alternatively, you could spend the evening cuddling up for a movie marathon. Whether it’s holding hands during a walk or snuggling on the couch, physical touch will help you both feel connected.

Write a heartfelt letter or poem and read it aloud over a cosy dinner. You could even surprise your partner with a "gratitude jar" filled with little notes of appreciation, to be opened throughout the evening.

Understanding your own love language is just as important as knowing your partner’s. By being self-aware, you can communicate your needs more clearly, and it will also help in preventing preventing frustration or misunderstandings.

Sophie goes on to state: “When you know how you best receive love, whether through words of affirmation, acts of service, or quality time, you can guide your partner in showing affection in ways that truly resonate with you.

Whether you're just starting to date or in a long-term relationship, understanding love languages helps you recognise why your partner may not naturally express love in the way you prefer.

Without this awareness, you might feel unloved or unappreciated. But by knowing and recognising different love languages, you can foster greater understanding and be more intentional in how you express your own feelings.”

Dating can be challenging and exhausting, especially when you're trying to find a genuine connection. So, we asked Sophie whether understanding your love languages could help make the process easier and guide you toward finding "the one."

Sophie explained, “Yes, it can help to a degree.” However, she also emphasised:

“While understanding your own love language provides greater clarity, it’s not the whole picture. In my view, knowing what you need from a relationship goes beyond how love is expressed. It’s also important to ensure you share similar life goals and values.”

In my experience, many people lose track of who they are at some point in their lives and don’t always have the self-awareness to acknowledge that’s the case. Knowing who you truly are, what matters to you and being able to show your vulnerabilities is where to start if you want to be clear on what you need from a relationship."

Now that we know love languages can help you find "the one" to some extent, the big question is: when is the right time to start discussing love languages while dating? Is it too soon to bring it up on the first date?

Luckily, we asked love expert Sophie, so we can help you avoid scaring off your next date, “Whilst it should be discussed fairly early on, I think it needs to be light-hearted as opposed to a heavy conversation.

If you’re dating, you can start by observing how the other person shows their affection. You can then naturally comment on your observations and then share your own. Just let the conversation go from there…”

While every relationship is unique, some love languages tend to complement each other more easily than others.Some love languages naturally complement each other and others require a little bit more effort.

For example:

• Words of Affirmation and Quality Time both involve presence, one through words and the other through undivided attention. Physical Touch and Quality Time show both partners want closeness.
• Words of Affirmation and Physical Touch can be more tricky to manage because one partner wants reassurance with words and the other one needs touch.

Planning the perfect proposal can feel overwhelming – after all, it’s a once-in-a-lifetime moment, and the pressure to make it special can be intense. You want it to be unforgettable, meaningful, and most importantly, a reflection of your relationship.

If you're unsure how your partner would love to be proposed to, incorporating their love language is a great place to start. Matching the way your partner naturally receives love will make the moment even more personal and heartfelt.

Keep reading to discover some simple and meaningful ways to weave your partner's love language into your proposal.

If your partner's love language is words of affirmation, they feel moved and loved when they are verbally told in the form of compliments, encouragement and kind words.

As part of the proposal, you could write a heartfelt love letter or create a scrapbook filled with meaningful messages about your journey together. On the last page, include the question, “Will you marry me?” Read it aloud to them in a romantic setting before popping the question.

If your partner's love language is an act of service, you could plan a day dedicated to making your partner feel special, whether it’s breakfast in bed, ticking off their to-do list or organising a surprise experience they’ve always wanted. At the end of the day, present the ring as the ultimate act of love and commitment.

If your partner's love language is receiving gifts, as part of the proposal you could create a thoughtful gift experience leading up to the big moment – perhaps a personalised keepsake, a piece of jewellery with a hidden engraving, or a memory box filled with meaningful mementos from your relationship. The final gift? The engagement ring, along with your heartfelt proposal.

If quality time is how your partner feels loved and appreciated, you could plan a meaningful getaway or a day doing something you both love, whether it’s hiking to a scenic spot, taking a road trip or revisiting the place where you first met. Make the moment special by proposing in a quiet, intimate setting where you can soak in the moment together.

Physical touch might be your partner's way of feeling most loved and appreciated. Therefore, you could choose to propose in a place that encourages closeness, like a cosy night under the stars, a dance in the moonlight or a beachside embrace. Hold their hands and seal the moment with a warm, intimate proposal.

So, now you’ve got your proposal idea. Are you looking for some more inspiration? Read the story of how Jay, a member of our Queensmith community, proposed to his fiancée Ariana during a romantic holiday in Santorini.